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'You can suck it in more than that!'

If you haven’t heard about the BodyMagic you’ve either been hiding under a rock or doing a bid because its EVERYWHERE. Women, especially Black women, are clamoring for the contraption that takes your waist from a 47 to a 30 with reinforcements and special juice. Could it be that all the years of watching what I eat and gym memberships is no match for the BodyMagic? I wanted to see the magic for myself so I got up close and personal with the BodyMagic product.

A few weeks ago I received an invitation to attend a BodyMagic event. Prior to the event I wasn’t that familiar with their product. I did view a short video in the past but once I saw the amount of armor involved I decided the product wasn’t for me. Well, I just couldn’t say no to an opportunity to view the BodyMagic up close and personal and watch women I know transform into new creatures complete with a Jessica Rabbit silhouette.

The presentation begins with an overview of the BodyMagic product and a selection of volunteers to transform their bodies. Oh joy!  Then we were shown a video about the BodyMagic product and the ‘juice’ that’s designed to change your life. Just looked like a souped up version of Slim Fast but what do I know??? After watching the video, and eyeing the cupcakes on the counter for consumption AFTER the presentation, I was still not convinced that this contraption could transform a woman from bovine to bodacious.

I was right.

If a woman just has a few flaws, a budge here a roll there, the BodyMagic did produce the results advertised. For the woman that needs more than military-style reinforcement, the BodyMagic shifts and tightens but doesn’t produce an entirely new frame. Did the ladies look tighter? Sure but last time I checked guys weren’t into chicks that walked like line backers and EVERY woman that wore the full girdle was standing and walking like a robot. So in order to get the hourglass shape I’ve got to sacrifice my ability to move with ease? I figured if any one of those chicks fell getting up would be impossible as that girdle provided NO give.

Broad shoulders are in season.

Looking at each of them prance around while taking shallow breaths made me wonder something. So let’s say the BodyMagic does shift and transform your body so much it just makes you look great and you decide to go out for a night on the town with your guy. After a great dinner you both decide to go home and take it to the next level. And THERE the fun begins. You’ve sold yourself as this shapely firecracker but when you peel the layers of that BodyMagic off I wonder if things start to tumble like an avalanche. What’s a man to do when your belly button just dropped 6 inches?

Listen, as a woman I want to look my best so I understand the need for the product BUT it is NOT a substitute for what really creates a great body: a great diet and exercise. Perhaps these women should crack open their history books and read about the long-term affects of binding the body. Let’s just be honest that’s exactly what the BodyMagic product is, a BINDER. If you want your stomach pushed into your spine just to get into that hot red dress, go ahead my sister, but don’t ignore the history of long-term usage.

NOT hot. Not even close.

Besides, if you go around advertising that hourglass figure someone is gonna want to touch it and last time I checked, brick walls aren’t what’s popping in the street. I left that meeting and joined a weight-loss group. Yeah I know its going to be a struggle but not as hard as its going to be to concentrate and breathe if I go to work in that BodyMagic.

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Yesterday I decided my topic was Jon Gosselin (you know the Jon & Kate Plus 8 folks) and I was all set with guns blazing directed right at Jon. Then I see story after story about Kate talking stuff about Jon all over the press too. Hmm…is it fair to shine the spotlight on just Jon or should they both be talked about?

The guns are still blazing primarily for Jon for several reasons.

1. According to Jon, Kate ‘abused’ him by traveling so much.

In his recent interview he claimed she traveled too much and he couldn’t take the abuse. Seriously? Look, you’ve got EIGHT kids and one of the few ways to support them is with book tours and other events because frankly a regular 9 to 5 just isn’t gonna cut it in THIS economy. Suck it up Jon. That’s what happens when you have EIGHT kids.

2. He keeps trying to tell us WHY the marriage ended.

WHO CARES! Neither one of you have done anything that will change the world so why do WE (the public) need to know these details. You (and your blabbermouth wife Kate) just want to share these details but its tacky and shows you’re immature. Your kids WILL grow up to read and view these interveiws so just chill and PARENT the kids.

3. The marriage ended.

Sorry that it got tough for you Jon but when you have EIGHT kids you don’t have the luxury of just quitting. Now that the children are here you (that means the BOTH of you) HAVE to do WHATEVER is required to make it work. Bottom line. Just quitting proves that you don’t think your family is important enough to put in some real effort to try. I knew you were weak when I first saw you.

4. He’s already dating/engaged to ANOTHER woman.

Now if your marriage is sooooooooo bad it would seem to me that the last thing you would want is ANOTHER wife. Are you serious? Don’t you have EIGHT kids to raise? And what kind of chick is checking for a man with EIGHT kids and no NBA contract??? Seems like Jonny boy was itching at the seams just to get a taste of some poontang that hasn’t been through the trauma he’s used to. You don’t fall in and out of love like the weather changes. Put the effort that you have for your dating life into working on that marriage. What makes this new girlfriend so bad is that she’s the DAUGHTER of the plastic surgeon that did Kate’s tummy tuck. Are you serious??? All the chicks out here and you get HER? Yes you were itching for ANY piece of poontang.

5. He was jealous of the attention Kate received.

Sigh. Another bitch-made indicator flag. Dude, she had SIX babies at once. Let me repeat that. SHE HAD SIX BABIES AT ONCE. He had nothing but heavy balls. Sure you’re the father but you’re NOT carrying the babies so unfortunately you don’t get the shine. So you jealous and mad you don’t have a uterus? I can’t give you uterus but I can surely make you feel like you’re giving birth to six babies if that’s what you need to GET OVER YOURSELF.

This Jon & Kate situation has shown me that you can’t be selfish AND married because those two things do not work well together.  If for nothing else but for the kids, Jon and Kate…GROW UP.

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I’ve had HMOs and PPOs and my preference has always been PPOs. The flexibility to select whatever doctor you want is great and not having to pay a co-pay to see a general practitioner to get a referral to see a specialist. Now I’m apart of the HMO machine from hell that is known as Kaiser Permanente. Want to overhaul healthcare Mr. President? Start with Kaiser Permanente.

When I belonged to a PPO if I needed to see a specialist I would go see a specialist. Period. With Kaiser that’s just too damn easy. Let’s look at the layers of bull. You walk in and stand in the check-in line for your appointment. At my local center they move the check-in desk every few years for no damn reason so just finding the line can be a chore. When you check-in they ask for your co-pay (oh joy). Then you end up sitting in a waiting room waiting on the doctor. You notice its full but its always full so you just sit and wait amongst the older and younger less disciplined crew.

You arrive 5 minutes prior to your appointment time and when you sit down you read the sign on the wall that says if you have not been seen 15 minutes after your scheduled appointment time alert the receptionist (check-in). Okay so you do that and they tell you to be patient. Interesting. The doctor isn’t patient if I’m late so why do I have to work with her? So NOT fair but you sit back down. 30 minutes later the receptionist figures she better look like she’s trying to figure out what’s going on so she gets up and goes in the back and instructs us all to ‘be patient’. Well you being who you are you remind her (out loud in front of other patients because that’s the American way) that the doctor isn’t patient for us when we’re late. There you still sit.

And sit.

And sit UNTIL the door cracks open and the nurse calls your name. By this time you’re 45 minutes past your appointment time. Good thing you don’t have another appointment or you’d be fucked. After getting your vitals the nurse takes you to a room to sit and wait yet again for the doctor. And there you start the waiting game of hearing your doctor be only a few steps away but always by-passing your door to get to the next high blood pressure patient. Then 55 minutes in you see the knob start to turn on the door and then enters the doctor.

Now, just because you’ve waited far longer than you should have had to doesn’t mean the doctor is going to give me more than 2 minutes of her time. I’ve got speak faster than a cheating husband caught in bed with his mistress just to get a diagnosis. After the doctor is done listening they login to their little database system and place notes and any prescriptions you’re being given. So you figure the wait is over but oh its JUST begun. Now you’ve got to try to get those prescriptions and THAT’S when you start to play healthcare musical chairs.

Upon leaving your doctor’s office they tell you to go to the pharmacy to get your prescriptions. When you arrive at the pharmacy the LAST thing you want to do is sit down. No sir. You’ve got ANOTHER check-in to do and there is a line for that. So you stand in line AGAIN waiting to check-in. Why check-in pharmacy do you ask? Well because I guess Kaiser feels it makes no commonsense that a person that just left the doctor for an appointment would actually want the meds the same day so they don’t actually fill the prescription until 24-hours later EXCEPT if you check-in. So you check-in and SIT.

Oh yes you MUST sit again to wait for them to prepare your prescription and while you’re sitting they tell you to torture yourself by watching the board for your name. 15 minutes can seem like a lifetime when you’re waiting for the screen to refresh hoping that its your name that’s the latest update but of course it never really works out that way. You’ve been held hostage until they are done charging you for wasting your time. Remember, health insurance is supposed to be better than just showing up at an emergency room with no coverage. Even with the same wait?

So after 20 or 30 minutes you FINALLY see your name on the board. Now I know you don’t think you’re just gonna walk up and pay and leave do you? No sir. You’ve got a PICK UP LINE to stand in so you can pay for that prescription. So now you’re on to the NEXT line to stand and wait for a rep to say ‘Next!’ only to stand there and continue to wait for them to FIND your prescription. After you’ve done that its time to breakout your wallet so that you can pay for the prescription you checked-in, waited AND stood in a pick-up line for. Yeah you’re finally done after almost two hours of your time.

So after they have raped your wallet and wasted your time with line after line you’re sent home broke and ill. GOT to love Kaiser. So if the President wants to improve health insurance he needs to start with the fucking lines. I mean really is all of the waiting necessary? Frankly when I look into the pharmacy I see most of them just standing around not doing much of anything. If people can’t pick up a prescription right after seeing the doctor without checking-in first, then why are you rushing to work on it instead of calling the people in line that are here to pick up? You know why right? Because that would make sense and health insurance isn’t supposed to make sense.

When open enrollment season begins I will be there to shit all over Kaiser yet again this year in hopes of a better insurance. I’m not a fan of red tape and this year I plan to be the scissors to their tape and cut into their layers of bullshit department by department.

Next up, Membership Services.

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Do you know what it took to get here? Nah you just don’t know. I’ve been through hell and high water but anything worth having is sometimes a struggle right? Yeah whatever. I’m still working out some kinks around here.

For example, that Colin Powell thumbnail pic is NOT the business but I still can’t figure out how to change it so get to know Colin cause he’s gonna be here for a minute. You might see some additional  changes in the next few days but just work with me.

I’m not against some interaction so comment and enjoy yourself. I’m not for censoring folk but don’t test me son. My man up top got my back.

Enjoy the site and keep an eye out for updates.

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